when you need a Phoenix Rising

The day was turning out a bit Van Gogh-ish, after all, I just recently watched a documentary on his art and life.

I came out here to breathe, to let the cusp of evening air shock my lungs with crispness.

I needed a reminder of how life is always changing like the seasons. Because change does come and sometimes it seems long in coming, but it always does.

And I need to remember, now, to remember now, to be present and just still some part of my spinning days.

Because honestly, sometimes I feel like that sky, like a Van Gogh painting all vibrant in blues and yellows, with hard brush strokes. Except it's not the vibrant beauty I feel, but more the energy of colors moving.

Always moving.

Those pronounced and intentional strokes with multi-colored layers of a true, later in life Van Gogh painting is like the tornado which seems to always be ripping through inside my head. Like the tornado-ish cloud in the first picture.

I was transfixed. So I took pictures.

Lots of them.

The next day when I pulled up my small view window on my camera and showed my husband, he said, "My goodness, how many did you take?", to which I replied "Um, alot?"

Yeah.

Because in all our broad strokes of life, when the day is wrecked like a canvas of spilled paint, or vibrant by the loud colors of a temper, for when we just need to breathe, to Breathe deep, we look for the Phoenix rising.

Except its not some mythical bird, its this one Creature who has healing in His wings, who covers me with His feathers, whose wings are my refuge.

And I see Him on the horizon.

Slowly rising over the tree tops, with security lights on electricial poles blinking on, He rose like an eagle in the clouds. A blue wing sweeping over me for more than half the hour, growing bigger as I clicked.

Sure, I know there is "science" behind wind and currents that affect nature but I also know Who's in charge of clouds and tells the sun when and where it should go. I know Who sets boundaries for the sea and tells it can only go this far.

And I refuse to close my eyes or turn away from what creation cries out, You are there. We need only see it.

So I open.

I see the "Phoenix Rising".

"Who makes the clouds His chariot,  who walks on the wings of the wind..." Psalm 104:3

Happy, happy day to be here again....

 

The Outside-Interview of a {former Amish} Woman, part 4

An Amish woman who was shunned for her faith and left the Order when she was married and in her 30's, is opening up about her experience. Once she began questioning the "faith" based on Jesus Christ, her troubles began inside the Order. She's graciously allowed me to interview her. All the words are solely "Deborah's" and in her "voice" and because of her contacts, in present day, with the Amish, she needs to remain anonymous (thank you for understanding, ahead of time). I only edited paragraph sizes (smaller bites for easier reading). Bold, italics, and larger print are all mine, to emphasis areas of interest. We'll be doing a series based on questions from Hillary's gracious readers! Thank you Hillary and all your dear Facebook friends for giving us a plethora of material.

The interview will be published on Tuesday and Friday. Feel free to join the discussion in the "comment"s block. Any malicious comments will NOT be published. This is meant to be a safe place for her to share her story for the first time.


Join me in welcoming her......

Q: What do those inside the Amish Order think of those who live outside their culture?


Deborah: Many have a façade they wear when they are around the "English".


While most desire to have the respect of the "English", they aren't always sure what is required of them to earn that respect. As an example, "please" and "thank you" are seldom used in their interaction with each other, while American society recognises such things as basic etiquette.


In their interactions with the "English", most will also be very guarded and never completely trust anyone that's not Amish. Because of this, it is almost impossible to actually get to know who they really are as a people, especially on an individual basis.


Within the Amish there are various degrees of admirable traits and dysfunction in family relationships, just as there are in all societies.

Some children are taught more respect for the "outsiders" or "English" than others. Most have a respect for people in general and even an admiration for people in professions such as doctors, nurses and law enforcement etc.. 


Some do not care how the rest of the world views them and they can be very rude and overbearing to "outsiders". These are the ones who would be obnoxious in any society.





Q: There's a lot of attention on the Amish culture in mainstream media. Are these realistic or misconceptions?


Deborah: Some(Amish) feel they deserve admiration and special treatment just because they are Amish and live the Amish lifestyle. I believe that attitude has been strengthened by the unrealistic romanticising of their way of life in recent years.


For example, most of the books that have been written, especially the Christian romance books, bear no resemblance to reality.



The tour groups that visit Amish communities are presented with an almost idyllic life style, giving no hint to the complexities and hardships of living in a closed society without many modern conveniences.


The TV shows portraying "rumspringa",  supposedly time that Amish teens are given to experience the things of the world to make the decision if they want to remain Amish or not, are a farce.


Every Amish teenager knows full well they are expected to stay in the order after they are finished "sowing some wild oats".





Q: What are some things from your upbringing that you've kept a part of your life?


Deborah: The Amish way of life does have some good things that I have hung on to.

Things like learning how to sew, growing and preserving my own food, the ability to survive off the land should I have to do so etc.


All these things with freedom in Christ are a blessing to me but my allegiance is to my Lord Jesus.





Q: Shortly after leaving the Amish, what was your experience like?


Deborah: When I first came out of the Amish order, I was very hurt by things that were said and done to me and wanted nothing to do with anyone in the Order ever again.

I felt anger and anxiety and a range of other ungodly emotions for a long time.


For me, the "coming out" was a relatively slow process and involved trying to find a place to "belong" among other ex-Amish who had formed a church. They were very cruel and still carried a lot of the self righteous baggage they had grown up with. They called me "Jezebel" and kicked me out of their midst for speaking up about things that weren't "my place" to voice.

We moved out of state for five years to escape some of the on-going conflict.


Because of the separation, the Lord ministered healing for some of the pain of rejection and I started to really miss the people I loved. Amish family relationships are very close knit and friendships within the community are usually from school age to death.





Q: Do you have any contact with family members still inside the Order, today?


Deborah: When I began to realise how much I missed the people I loved, I also began to try to re-establish some of the friendships in various ways, but my efforts failed for the most part.

I then needed the Lord to deliver me completely from soul ties to these people, their way of life and their belief system. The power to hurt me with their disapproval and rejection needed to be broken and cut off.



I still feel twinges of pain at times but the ability to cause those debilitating wounds that would incapacitate me for days, has been broken completely. 


I no longer have a relationship (or practice) with any other Amish order or belief system. I have been separated from that way of life.


However, my relationships with various family members that are still in the order, cover a broad spectrum.


I have some family members whom I hardly ever see, some by their choice and some because of circumstances, since I am seldom present or invited to community events, etc.


On the other end of this spectrum, I have a sibling within the order who is born again and filled with the Spirit and we are very close, encouraging each other in the Lord continuously. She will most likely never leave the order because of other circumstances in her life.




As for past friendships with non-family members within the order, they are totally gone.



Q: How hard is it for you to have family members still inside the old Order and you living outside of it?

Deborah: The Lord God is so good and His tender mercies endure forever!


Recently while in prayer and waiting before the Lord, I was thinking about how I love these people but I no longer have a desire to be with them. As I was contemplating this fact, the Holy Spirit brought a scripture to my remembrance.

Matt. 23:37 O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the one who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you are not willing!


As I read this scripture I heard the soft whisper of the Holy Spirit in my heart.


The love I now have for the Amish people comes out of the love and longing of God for all people, including the Amish. My heart rejoiced because I will always love them but I no longer identify with the Amish and I no longer "feel" ex-Amish.

 
I now identify with Christ. I am in Him and He is in me. 

on why i need you to be you

I was a chameleon growing up. Moving every year does that too a person. Adapting is critical to survival and I did more than survive, I thrived on it back then.

It wasn't until the last 15 years of my 40ish life that I've lived anywhere for more than a year.

There's danger in staying put, in living somewhere longer than the "new" girl wears off.

You might get to know me, the real me, the ol' rubbed off me. The kind I'm not sure I want you to see.

It's that rejection thing.

As homeschoolers, we are an isolated bunch most days.


I recently told my husband "I need to make an intentional effort of meeting with other ladies." Because too much time away and I become the turtle in a shell and I'm a people person, people!

I need you.

I need rubbing off and a place of encouragement-for-grumpy-days-me. I need the Holy-Spirit-filled-changing-me to fellowship with the Holy-Spirit-filled-changing-you.

Several Saturdays back, I was in a room full of women. No kids, no spouses, just us grown-up girls.

In other words, a rare night.

At one point, we all came together from our little chatty groups we'd been clustered in. In one big circle, we sat 'round a living room sharing, laughing, lots of talking.

I looked at each one and thanked God for their unique selves represented there.

Not for one second did I want anyone to be anybody else. I wanted them to be exactly as they were, individually different.

I prayed,  "Lord, give them permission. Give them that deep-abiding joy of just how You made them, and that they not try to be someone else for the sake of being someone else. Give them permission to just be who they are."

That doesn't mean we don't improve or change according to His will. Heaven knows, I need lots of changing.

But we only change because it is His will and not our own.

There are many faucets of the human personality which make each one a delight or a trial unto itself, but oh how lovely the differences are. And perhaps my marveling at the gems sparkling from each one of those women is really a way of turning the mirror on myself and allowing my own "permission".

Go and be who you are in Christ because we need the authentic Body. Our differings, the essence of given grace, is what makes all our individuals, members of one another.

        "We, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another. 

          Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them..."

                                   (some italics and bold are mine) Romans 12:5 and 6

   at Michelle's....


  and at Laura's...

on losing my religion

Mine was one of those southern brewed religions. And I kinda liked it that way since it was safe and all. No weird Holy Spirit going-on's or any make me-break-out-into-a-sweat kinda religions. We kept things calm and dull and familiar.

My old religion had always been the steeple kind, with white doors, and an altar call ending Sunday morning service. Right on cue, the choir would sing their practiced praise and break for the tithe plate, followed by the punctual preaching 'til lunch time.

But somewhere along the way, a slow and long way, I lost my religion.

I started to want something more than I could control because my control only stinks things up. But without me, I'm left to Him.

And that's scary.

That means crazy stuff could happen.

That means I might look foolish, or silly, or heaven forbid, charismatic.

The 'holy spirit' in my old religion was an orderly kinda fellow, kinda quiet too.

I knew this religion. My denomination was my god of worship because it was safe, a god-in-a-box-so-I'm-comfortable-christianity.

But it's not safe, at all. It's a ham-strung and white-washed tomb for the dead.

This is where rules, or man, or doctrines of belief, or Sunday school, or programs, replace Relationship. It's where leaving is easy because I know there's no real fellowship to sharpen like iron once I vacate the pew or contemporary chair I parked on that Sunday morning.


I have grown tired of lifeless Christianity. I don't want to wait for "some day when we all get to Heaven".  I want Heaven now.

I don't want any self-improving how-to's, I want the power to die for Good, from all self.

I don't want spiritual spoon-fed, I want the crunchy locusts of repentance.

I want the Holy Spirit church, the sanctified church, the wedded Church. I want anything there is and if I don't believe, help me overcome un-belief. Because the invisible is being made visible and I want eyes to see, that look straight into mystery and marvel at the Wonder.

And I've learned that losing my religion is really when I began to find it.

The Medicine-Interview of a {formerly Amish} Woman, Part 3

 
An Amish woman who was shunned for her faith and left the Order when she was married and in her 30's, is opening up about her experience. Once she began questioning the "faith" based on Jesus Christ, her troubles began inside the Order. She's graciously allowed me to interview her. All the words are solely "Deborah's" and in her "voice" and because of her contacts, in present day, with the Amish, she needs to remain anonymous (thank you for understanding, ahead of time). I only edited paragraph sizes (smaller bites for easier reading). Bold, italics, and larger print are all mine, to emphasis areas of interest. We'll be doing a series based on questions from Hillary's gracious readers! Thank you Hillary and all your dear Facebook friends for giving us a plethora of material.


The interview will be published on Tuesday and Friday. Feel free to join the discussion in the "comment"s block. Any malicious comments will NOT be published. This is meant to be a safe place for her to share her story for the first time.


Join me in welcoming her......




Q:  Did you find Grace in your Christian life and how did you form a healthy view of God?

    Deborah: I have found the grace of God to be vital in true forgiveness or any real change in my inner man.

      For instance, I can mentally know I need to forgive and I can make a mental decision or choice to forgive, but only by the grace of God that comes through the working of the Holy Spirit, can true forgiveness take place in my heart. Wondrous Grace, that supernatural ability to be like Jesus.

      I would like to add something here concerning the Grace of God.

      I believe there are many people that have a misunderstanding of the Grace of God. There is this idea that Grace is like a sort of "magical blanket", if you will, that covers anything about us and in us that is not pleasing to the Lord. These things are covered by this "magical blanket of Grace" and He isn't able to see them.

      I disagree with that idea and believe it is a great disservice to the people of God when they do not know about and partake of true Grace that is available to all believers.

     The Grace of God is the supernatural ability of God to take any of those things you may feel like hiding from Him, change them or take them out of you and replace them with Himself. You will then become more and more like Him, not a "magic blanket covered" version of self.

     There is a huge difference.

 

    Q: What has the healing process been like for you since leaving your Amish roots?

    Deborah: To be honest, for me much of the healing in my life has happened without me being aware of it, which is probably the case with most healing.

    

     Time was a big factor I'm sure, time and some distance.

      As for my personal healing process, He will often make me aware of some emotional connection that has the ability to cause pain in my life. I will then give Him that relationship or situation and invariably I will discover some time later that it no longer has the power to hurt me on a level that is detrimental to me

      There was a grief process  to go through when separated from family members but it is amazing how the Lord has been restoring some of those relationships for me.  But they are very different then the relationships we had when I was in the Amish order because they are new, not a recycled version of the old.


   They are on the basis of me being who I am versus me being who they want me to be.

      I believe the Amish are a people in bondage to a belief system with cult-like tendencies.

       The way the Lord explained it to me was as follows; the more individual personal choices that are taken from a people group, the closer it becomes to a cult. 

      The Amish do have a range of personal choices left to them, such as the freedom to choose a spouse and the freedom to choose a vocation however, there are some conditions to these choices. For the Amish, their choice of spouse also needs to be in the Amish order and their vocation choice is limited by the amount of education they are allowed to pursue.

      Q: Have you found peace in Christ?

    Deborah: Yes, I have found peace in Christ. Growth in all areas is a process but the Scripture is true....we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 5:1

   

The Shunning-Interview with a {former Amish} Woman, Part 2

An Amish woman who was shunned for her faith and left the Order when she was married and in her 30's, is opening up about her experience. Once she began questioning the "faith" based on Jesus Christ, her troubles began inside the Order. She's graciously allowed me to interview her. All the words are solely "Deborah's" and in her "voice" and because of her contacts, in present day, with the Amish, she needs to remain anonymous (thank you for understanding, ahead of time). I only edited paragraph sizes (smaller bites for easier reading). Bold, italics, and larger print are all mine, to emphasis areas of interest. We'll be doing a series based on questions from Hillary's gracious readers! Thank you Hillary and all your dear Facebook friends for giving us a plethora of material.


The interview will be published on Tuesday and Friday. Feel free to join the discussion in the "comment"s block. Any malicious comments will NOT be published. This is meant to be a safe place for her to share her story for the first time.


Join me in welcoming her......



Q:  Based on what you know of spiritual abuse, to what extent do you think the Amish community may experience this?

"Deborah": Rules are enforced by varying degrees of isolation for those who do not obey them.

All the rules are a part of a religious belief system that controls the people through shame, fear of man and lack of understanding or knowledge of God. The people are taught and many truly believe, to leave the Amish Order and disobey the rules, is to leave God.

There is usually a kind of grace period where the use of persuasion is employed, which means the leadership will be making numerous trips to your house to talk to you about your "disobedience". This is an awkward and embarrassing thing to endure for all involved.

Then there is the ordeal of confessing your "sin" publicly to the rest of the congregation when you finally do comply and come back into obedience to the rules. This is the method most often used in "correction" and is very effective because it causes such a feeling of shame.

If this process fails and a person persists in refusing to comply, they will eventually be excommunicated.

This means they will not be allowed to partake of communion, and in many communities, no longer allowed to sit at a table and eat a meal with any other Amish church member. An Amish person who eats a meal with an excommunicated member is considered to be violating the rules.


The Amish culture is held together and revolves around their religious belief system. That belief system consists of traditions and good Biblical principles, mixed with misinterpreted scripture and superstition.

They are a society within a society, or a culture within a culture, just like the Black communities or Hispanic communities of America have their own cultures or societies.

They have their own language and traditional rules to follow, some are written and some are not. The rules that are not written are no less powerful than those that are, and all community life and behaviour is governed by the rules.

 

Q: What sect of the Amish Order were you in?

The particular order I was born into is known as the Old Order Amish.

Q: What does the Amish faith look like? For example:  What is considered sin?

"Deborah":  Sin is considered to be disobedience to the rules. There is a lot of emphasis on submission to authority with the attitude that submission to authority is godly even if authority is wrong.

In the event of excommunication, the Scripture in 1Cor 5:11 is often used.  But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner--not even to eat with such a person.

However, many of the actual sins listed in the verse are considered minor offences if considered to be sin at all, and many of the rules that govern daily life have nothing to do with behaviour the Scriptures would actually call sinful.

As Jesus said in Mark 7:13  ..making the word of God of no effect through your tradition you have handed down.  

The bishops make the rules for the community.

There are no women in any positions of leadership or authority. Because of this, the rules for the women's everyday lives often do not keep up with the rules for the men's lives, in terms of ease and convenience.

For example, the rules for the men may allow them to use machinery that is powered by a gasoline motor for their work in the field or barn. In contrast, the women may not be allowed to use tillers or gas engine powered lawnmowers to do their work in their lawn and gardens.

The women are seen as a vital part of the family and community but not expected to give any spiritual counsel or input. They are expected to "be silent" and they are not involved in any decision making concerning the rules for the community.

As in all societies the most dependant are the most vulnerable and most likely to be abused.  

Within any self governing society there is usually a hierarchy and the same is true of the Amish. There are some families in the community who are a lot more influential then others. They can sway the leaders to make or change the rules to benefit them and/or their businesses, and do so at times.

Q: So, would you say the Amish faith is based on how well you obey the rules vs. a relationship and faith in Jesus Christ?

"Deborah": Yes I would say that. A relationship with Jesus Christ is not emphasised and in my experience, many Amish lack a personal relationship with the Lord. They are sincere and have a zeal for righteousness but it is not according to knowledge.

I would also say, "The harvest truly is great but the laborers are few; therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send laborers into His harvest." Luke 10:2

the disease this time of year

You've met them and at times, you have been them. Because really, in our culture, that seems to be the battle.


It's the Wanna-be-War which rages against us in a world full of stuff. And with Christmas, in all it's "finery", beginning to parade around in stores, I'm reminded of how stuff pulls me in.


Inside Costco's neat and tidy aisles, I'm assualted with lines of sparkling goodies, and the suck begins.


I immediately whipped out the paper from my purse and reminded myself: list, list, list.

But as good parents, we allowed our kids to go up and down the toy and gadget aisles, and nod "Yes, that's neat.", "Oh yes, I like that.", "Why yes, that'd be a great project." followed by the,  "No, we aren't getting it, and it, and it."

I began to get irritated, not by my kids, as much as by stuff.

But it's a battle.

Because I love stuff too. I'm just like my kids. I survey the warehouse and I begin to want, too.

Stuff kills. I know this.

It quenches heaven and starves the spirit, until we're spiritually anorexic. Stuff makes us feel fat, while thinking just one more thing, is the key to making it all better.

And Wanna-be-Wars begin as we think about, so-and-so who has stuff, or so-and-so magazine girl looking like that, or so-and-so friend did this, or so-and-so does that thing better, and we're off.

The race has begun.

Before my family knows it, I'm at the cell phone booth to switch out my service. Already, the glossy new phones seem too "smart" to not sign up for the new do-dad, gizmo, or data package, it has to offer.

Family after family comes to the booth, ooo-ing and aw-ing over this phone or that. Teenagers with parents trying to convince them, "This is the one I need."

All I can think about is the rapture on their faces, eyeing stuff. And I think how that's me, merrily going along with my man-made worship, mesmermized by things carved by hands.

I'm grieved, Holy Spirit, by our happiness-search.

Instead of eagerly coming to Your booth to get Your latest upgrades, we go to the world. Instead of searching out Your social media, we click away. Instead of handling the invisible spiritual matters with ooo's and aw's, we fix our eyes on the visible--stuff.

In our western culture, we are in a minefield of trappings. We carefully step among materialistic cursings that brightly allure us. We have to deny, deny, deny in a humanistic culture that says, "good ahead if it feels good" or "if you can have it, get it."

We must choose, the foot of the mountain or the climb. Lingering too long at the bottom, is where we build golden-calves.

So, up we must go.

In my western world stream there at Costco, I tried to swim up a ripple.

At the cell phone booth, I did what I came for. I downgraded. It's small, I know. Minor, really. Nothing even, compared to Heaven or the poor in spirit.

No phone email, no phone internet, no more Google searches, no phone with Facebook or Pandora. Just a phone.

My husband and I left.

And in the car, we wondered outloud, the disease of stuff.

“ Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 5:3

 at Laura's ...

 and Michelle's.....

The Crucible--Interview of a {former Amish} Woman, Part I

An Amish woman who was shunned for her faith and left the Order when she was married and in her 30's, is going to be opening up about her experience. Once she began questioning the "faith" based on Jesus Christ, her troubles began inside the Order. She's now ready to start sharing her story and has graciously allowed me to interview her. All the words are solely "Deborah's" and in her "voice" and because of her contacts, in present day, with the Amish, she needs to remain anonymous (thank you for understanding, ahead of time). I only edited paragraph sizes (smaller bites for easier reading). Bold, italics, and larger print are all mine, to emphasis areas of interest. We'll be doing a series based on questions from Hillary's gracious readers! Thank you Hillary and all your dear Facebook friends for giving us a plethora of material.

For Part 2, click here. The interview will continue on Tuesday and Friday. Feel free to join the discussion in the "comment"s block.  Any malicious comments will NOT be published. This is meant to be a safe place for her to share her story for the first time.

Join me in welcoming her......



Q: What is it about your faith that conflicted with the Amish order?

"Deborah": There is a scripture verse that comes to mind. John 4:24, God is a Spirit and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.

Starting at a young age, even as a child I could see there were rules that just didn't make sense.

I'm sure I was a challenge to my parents because many times I would ask questions like "Why do we have to do it that way?" or "Why is this wrong?" The standard answers of "That's just the way we've always done it." or "Because the bishop said so." would never satisfy my sense of what was right and what was wrong.

As I got a little older and started to see some hypocrisy and double standards I had even more questions to which there were no satisfactory answers.

I was born into one of the more dysfunctional homes in our community. Into a home where the family regularly experienced a lot of pain from the rages of a father who had an uncontrollable temper. All of us did our best to hide what was happening in our house because to be "different" was something we dreaded, as most Amish do.

Acceptance and value comes from conformity and non-resistance to the "rules", not in standing out. Looking back, I believe the conflict in our home contributed to my desire to seek out truth because the pain in my life kept me from ever being comfortable or happy at that time.


When I met the Lord Jesus as a teenager I recognised the Truth I had been looking for. For years I had heard from the leaders in their bi-weekly sermons that it was "impossible to know that you are saved".

Using various methods, they explained to us the way to being right with God was to obey your parents and submit to the ministers, which we all knew meant to obey all the church rules.

When I met the Lord I knew they were wrong.

I immediately had a revelation by the Holy Spirit that I had been "saved" and my salvation had nothing to do with all their church rules. I knew it for months before I was able to find scriptures that proved it.

It became impossible for me to live under a belief system that I knew to be wrong in its interpretation of what was required for salvation.



Q: Do you feel like it was worth the sacrifice to leave?

"Deborah": I have only recently been able to dissect this part of my life into several different pieces or components:

1. Who the Amish are as a people.
2. My life growing up in their midst and then leaving the order.
3. My journey with the Lord that started while I was still a part of the order, a journey that continues yet today.
4. My complicated connection with the Amish that still exists because of relationships with family members that are still in the order and will remain there.

The answer to the this question involves several of the components I just mentioned. I do feel it was worth the sacrifice to leave because I left in obedience to the leading of the Lord.

I have the joy of the Lord and have no desire to go back. I am so thankful for the freedom that God has brought me into. Not just freedom of lifestyle but freedom to worship Him in Spirit and in Truth.

However, after all these years, sometimes I still feel a twinge of pain when I see certain interactions among them.

For instance, when I see a group of young mothers, small children peeking out from behind their skirts, chatting with that relaxed ease that comes from having known each other all their lives. Or when there is an accident, disaster or a death in the community and all the buggys start to pull in immediately with food, supplies and support for as long as it takes.

 This kind of community life was a part of my life for many years but I am now an "outsider". They expect nothing from me and would be uncomfortable if I tried to be a part of these interactions.

I believe the Lord wants to bless His people with "community" but it is difficult to find it among His people today. True "community" is relationships that are based on the love of God for each other and the freedom of the Holy Spirit in our midst.

In conclusion, if I would have known before I left, how hard it would be to have all those emotional ties severed, I may not have had the courage to leave.

Nevertheless, looking back from the vantage point of freedom, by the grace of God I would do it all over again. Once I tasted of the all-encompassing love God has for me, I also began to experience from Him the value and acceptance my soul was so hungry for.





Also shared at Charlotte's.