The Crux-Interview of a {former Amish} Woman, Part 6

“Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you." Matthew 5:11 and 12

This is the last installment of the "Interview of a {former Amish} Woman".  Deborah may guest post on here periodically, so check back and I'll make her writings easy to find. We hope you enjoyed this series as much as we enjoyed sharing it.

Q: You were in your 30’s when you left the Amish order, so when was it your life changed? How did you find God in a closed society?

Deborah: I was approx. 18 years old when I became born again and this journey really began. 

I had a hunger for God and He visited me in response to that hunger.

I was alone that day and found myself weeping for several hours because I felt the drawing of the Spirit of God. This had never happened to me before and I did not know I was actually experiencing Him.

I felt an urgency and a tremendous yearning in my heart that caused me to weep almost uncontrollably. I remember crying out, "I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do!"

I had gone to see a gospel sing at a nearby non-Amish church the day before and as I watched the people on the stage I could see they had "something" I wanted.

It was against the rules, of course, to go to a gospel sing but teenagers are braver then other age groups and the Amish expect and tolerate a certain amount of youthful experimenting.

As I wept before the Lord that day I started to hear His voice.

My heart could hear Him saying He wanted me to stand and be a witness for Him just like the singers the day before had been doing. I kept trying to explain to Him that was not possible. I was a young Amish girl and Amish girls just can't do those things. The battle went on for hours, just Him and I in the room.

I had a choice to make, would it be His will or mine?

The Lord was unyielding in His conviction and I wanted so much to say "Yes" but I instinctively knew if I said "Yes" from my heart, my life would change.

When I finally yielded my will to His and said, "Yes Lord, I'll do what you want me to do" the peace of God rolled over my soul.

The weeping stopped and I experienced something like warm honey being poured over me and through me, starting at the top of my head all the way to the bottom of feet.

 I was cleansed by the blood of Jesus and the love of God enveloped me. I felt a great weight lift off of me and I was forever changed.

I joyfully basked in the glow for days. I knew I had been "saved", saved from an eternity without God by a God who loved me.

Q: What did you do right after your newly discovered faith?

Deborah: After some time I secretly contacted a full gospel church from a nearby town.

I was hungry for fellowship and I began to share my experience with them from the security of a neighbours phone.

I also sneaked off to their church service a few times on Wednesday evenings. They encouraged me to say the "sinners prayer" at their altar and I complied.

They were so excited but I knew nothing actually happened at their altar, it had happened weeks before when I was alone, weeping before the Lord and all I had said was "Yes Lord, I'll do what you want me to do". My surrender was not in my words, it was in my heart.

They then encouraged me to go home and tell my parents and family I had found the salvation of the Lord.

Q:What happened when you told your parents?

Deborah: I was hesitant because I knew what the consequences would be if I did that.

However, I had been trained my whole life to be compliant and obey those over me, so I did as they suggested.

Everything I anticipated that would happen, did happen.

The stand off lasted for a few months until I felt I couldn't take it any more.

I broke.

Or maybe I bent so I wouldn't break.

I compromised and moved my line in the sand.

I moved it back, a safe distance away from the onslaught of anger and gnashing of teeth, away from the tears and pleading to a more manageable position of personal guilt for being so weak.

I had no money and knew no one I could turn to for help but I retained my secret hope for freedom some day.

I gave up on the idea of explaining to the Amish what I had experienced and went underground with my faith. I settled in to stay until I was older and could better make my own way. I prayed for a "knight in shining armour".

Q: How long after this happened did you meet your husband who also was part of the Old Order Amish? And how did that affect your faith?

Deborah: Two years later a "knight in shining armour" did come into my life but he didn't look anything like what I wanted or expected. I heard the voice of God clearly say to me, "This will be your husband."

I resisted adamantly.

He was a young Amish man, quiet, soft spoken and not interested in me either. We were only acquaintances and I was happy to remain that way. To marry a young Amish man would seal my fate as a member of the Amish order for life and that possibility was what I resisted.

I was sure I had heard wrong.

Several months later I found myself thinking about this young man a lot even though we were still only acquaintances and not dating. I realised my heart had become engaged and I couldn't make any sense of any of it.

Our acquaintance changed to a relationship and I was very happy but I was confused about the direction my life was taking. I loved him and decided it must have not been the will of God for me to leave the Amish order after all.

We were married and I settled into a happy life with a young Amish man. I was a secret disciple, a Nicodemus who would come to Jesus under the cover of darkness with my questions and my faith.

Q: After “sealing” your fate with the Amish way of life, how did it conflict with your new faith?

Deborah: God has a way of working in our lives even when we aren't aware of it.

I was happy in my marriage but three years into it my heart was again crying out for freedom.

Freedom to worship the Lord in Spirit and in Truth.

As I stood by my kitchen sink weeping into the dirty water and piles of dishes, once more I was crying out, "I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do!"

Again I heard the Lord speak so clearly. "I will lead you out. I will take your hand and lead you out."

Faith exploded in my heart.

I didn't share what I had heard with anyone, not even my husband. It was like a life line and so precious to me.

I lived in expectation of that promise for a very long time.

It did not come to pass immediately, but I had a hope that kept me from despair during those years. I waited on the Lord and on my husband.

The time finally came and God supernaturally lead us out as a family.

Looking back I still don't understand some of the leadings of God in my life.

I'm amazed that I have my husband and children with me and we are happy serving the Lord together. I marvel at my journey with the Lord because it doesn't look like I thought it would at all but I have learned I can trust my Father who loves me.

His work is redemptive and restorative.

Romans 8:28  and we know that all things work together for good to those that love the Lord, to those who are called according to His purpose.