on losing my religion

Mine was one of those southern brewed religions. And I kinda liked it that way since it was safe and all. No weird Holy Spirit going-on's or any make me-break-out-into-a-sweat kinda religions. We kept things calm and dull and familiar.

My old religion had always been the steeple kind, with white doors, and an altar call ending Sunday morning service. Right on cue, the choir would sing their practiced praise and break for the tithe plate, followed by the punctual preaching 'til lunch time.

But somewhere along the way, a slow and long way, I lost my religion.

I started to want something more than I could control because my control only stinks things up. But without me, I'm left to Him.

And that's scary.

That means crazy stuff could happen.

That means I might look foolish, or silly, or heaven forbid, charismatic.

The 'holy spirit' in my old religion was an orderly kinda fellow, kinda quiet too.

I knew this religion. My denomination was my god of worship because it was safe, a god-in-a-box-so-I'm-comfortable-christianity.

But it's not safe, at all. It's a ham-strung and white-washed tomb for the dead.

This is where rules, or man, or doctrines of belief, or Sunday school, or programs, replace Relationship. It's where leaving is easy because I know there's no real fellowship to sharpen like iron once I vacate the pew or contemporary chair I parked on that Sunday morning.


I have grown tired of lifeless Christianity. I don't want to wait for "some day when we all get to Heaven".  I want Heaven now.

I don't want any self-improving how-to's, I want the power to die for Good, from all self.

I don't want spiritual spoon-fed, I want the crunchy locusts of repentance.

I want the Holy Spirit church, the sanctified church, the wedded Church. I want anything there is and if I don't believe, help me overcome un-belief. Because the invisible is being made visible and I want eyes to see, that look straight into mystery and marvel at the Wonder.

And I've learned that losing my religion is really when I began to find it.