The Crucible--Interview of a {former Amish} Woman, Part I

An Amish woman who was shunned for her faith and left the Order when she was married and in her 30's, is going to be opening up about her experience. Once she began questioning the "faith" based on Jesus Christ, her troubles began inside the Order. She's now ready to start sharing her story and has graciously allowed me to interview her. All the words are solely "Deborah's" and in her "voice" and because of her contacts, in present day, with the Amish, she needs to remain anonymous (thank you for understanding, ahead of time). I only edited paragraph sizes (smaller bites for easier reading). Bold, italics, and larger print are all mine, to emphasis areas of interest. We'll be doing a series based on questions from Hillary's gracious readers! Thank you Hillary and all your dear Facebook friends for giving us a plethora of material.

For Part 2, click here. The interview will continue on Tuesday and Friday. Feel free to join the discussion in the "comment"s block.  Any malicious comments will NOT be published. This is meant to be a safe place for her to share her story for the first time.

Join me in welcoming her......



Q: What is it about your faith that conflicted with the Amish order?

"Deborah": There is a scripture verse that comes to mind. John 4:24, God is a Spirit and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.

Starting at a young age, even as a child I could see there were rules that just didn't make sense.

I'm sure I was a challenge to my parents because many times I would ask questions like "Why do we have to do it that way?" or "Why is this wrong?" The standard answers of "That's just the way we've always done it." or "Because the bishop said so." would never satisfy my sense of what was right and what was wrong.

As I got a little older and started to see some hypocrisy and double standards I had even more questions to which there were no satisfactory answers.

I was born into one of the more dysfunctional homes in our community. Into a home where the family regularly experienced a lot of pain from the rages of a father who had an uncontrollable temper. All of us did our best to hide what was happening in our house because to be "different" was something we dreaded, as most Amish do.

Acceptance and value comes from conformity and non-resistance to the "rules", not in standing out. Looking back, I believe the conflict in our home contributed to my desire to seek out truth because the pain in my life kept me from ever being comfortable or happy at that time.


When I met the Lord Jesus as a teenager I recognised the Truth I had been looking for. For years I had heard from the leaders in their bi-weekly sermons that it was "impossible to know that you are saved".

Using various methods, they explained to us the way to being right with God was to obey your parents and submit to the ministers, which we all knew meant to obey all the church rules.

When I met the Lord I knew they were wrong.

I immediately had a revelation by the Holy Spirit that I had been "saved" and my salvation had nothing to do with all their church rules. I knew it for months before I was able to find scriptures that proved it.

It became impossible for me to live under a belief system that I knew to be wrong in its interpretation of what was required for salvation.



Q: Do you feel like it was worth the sacrifice to leave?

"Deborah": I have only recently been able to dissect this part of my life into several different pieces or components:

1. Who the Amish are as a people.
2. My life growing up in their midst and then leaving the order.
3. My journey with the Lord that started while I was still a part of the order, a journey that continues yet today.
4. My complicated connection with the Amish that still exists because of relationships with family members that are still in the order and will remain there.

The answer to the this question involves several of the components I just mentioned. I do feel it was worth the sacrifice to leave because I left in obedience to the leading of the Lord.

I have the joy of the Lord and have no desire to go back. I am so thankful for the freedom that God has brought me into. Not just freedom of lifestyle but freedom to worship Him in Spirit and in Truth.

However, after all these years, sometimes I still feel a twinge of pain when I see certain interactions among them.

For instance, when I see a group of young mothers, small children peeking out from behind their skirts, chatting with that relaxed ease that comes from having known each other all their lives. Or when there is an accident, disaster or a death in the community and all the buggys start to pull in immediately with food, supplies and support for as long as it takes.

 This kind of community life was a part of my life for many years but I am now an "outsider". They expect nothing from me and would be uncomfortable if I tried to be a part of these interactions.

I believe the Lord wants to bless His people with "community" but it is difficult to find it among His people today. True "community" is relationships that are based on the love of God for each other and the freedom of the Holy Spirit in our midst.

In conclusion, if I would have known before I left, how hard it would be to have all those emotional ties severed, I may not have had the courage to leave.

Nevertheless, looking back from the vantage point of freedom, by the grace of God I would do it all over again. Once I tasted of the all-encompassing love God has for me, I also began to experience from Him the value and acceptance my soul was so hungry for.





Also shared at Charlotte's.