if you're living the crippled life

I don't know that I've suffered. Really suffered like a third world country but somewhere in our lifetime we suffer something.

And these last couple of years of purging my old life, I'd discovered my secret life.  My modest suffering revealed my hidden relish of status, opinions, and addresses.

When we gave up our dreamhouse to come to Texas, caring for the least of these, I hadn't known the depths of my heart. How much I cared what people thought about me. How embarrassed I was now of our modest, run-down farmhouse and I wondered if we'd ever have company again.

And I think of those who really suffer and what is mine but vanity. Really? Selfish pride which holds onto every scrap of "decency" boiled down to a number on a mailbox.

Suffering has been about a heart attitude. Struggling with my soul over what I wished different to accepting His grace and blessing right where I am. These past two years have been about the wrestle. "So Jacob {I} was left alone, and a man wrestled with him {her} till daybreak {and a very long night}." Genesis 32:24

This place, with it's broken windows, hole-y walls, leaky roof, dingy carpets, falling in floors, and a whole farm part hay and part trash was supposed to be short and temporary. As the days turned months, turned two years and still counting, I've wrestled in my heart and in desperation grabbed Him with “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”  Genesis 32:26

This Easter is about my limp.

This week's a reminder how my flesh is knocked out of joint and I'm living the crippled life, out of socket. How I must now lean on Him to walk straight. How my handicapped heart needs revealing so that I become desperate for His touch.

Our strength is valued by the world, but our weakness is invaluable to God. It leads to flesh crippling so the Spirit has room to reign our walk.

It's our struggle, our wrestle with ourselves. It's getting to the point of  grabbing Him in desperation for His touch, His blessing. But we have different ideas of blessings than He does. Don't be surprised when the limp comes. When you're hip is thrown out by holding on tight.

This week is about looking to that cross, the broken body who came to fill our empty soul-tombs. And when we finally grab hold with all desperation, don't be startled or embarrassed by His cripple. There's deep joy in this crutch.  Because your crippled life {in Him} just means "you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.” Genesis 32:28 





I shared this at Ann's "Walk with Him Wednesday" and jammed with Bonnie Gray's "Faith Barista Jam" . Also at Ginger and Charlotte's "Spiritual Sundays".