It's the words I don't really want to write, the ones stuck between my head and fingers and blank screens, the ones which reveal the nature of my flesh.
Who is stressed when the clock seems to squeeze minutes I don't have to get wherever I need to be on time. Who feels like two little phone calls in one morning has somehow made me late. Who feels that if I didn't have to explain prepositional phrases and compound subjects to my 2nd grader, I wouldn't be so harried and stressed. If lunch didn't require me to cook it, the needed shower not so late, wet hair drying too long, interruptions requiring attention and time, working math calendars, long addition and multiplication with a 4th grader and I could have lots of reasons for being grumpy. Or complaining. And being late.
So I stand in the mirror and finally try to finish what I started. Be on time and beat the clock.
But I can't. Not without sacrifice to those I love. To grump and be unpleasant and generally make everyone miserable so I let go. Skip one thing to have time to breathe and make nice and get somewhere pleasantly.
Instead of pushing family out the door, we lighten the load by lifting a deadline.
The pressure of running behind isn't something I handle well. I'd like to place blame somewhere and usually have because if it weren't for "fill in the blank" then I wouldn't be this mess against the clock.
But honestly, it's usually me. And sometimes true unintended things happen to make things behind schedule but most days this happens, it's my own time (mis)management. Waiting to long to get ready. Or plan ahead. Or stop whatever to make the door easier to pass through without fire or fuss.
I need Grace and more than my family having it for me.
I need change.
I try and wrestle with change but what I need is wholly transformation. To gaze on this new, this Person where sacrifice is welcomed at His feet, this altar of Resurrection. A turning from old "man" snapshots to my new creation already residing inside. To stand before a Holy Spirit mirror and recognize time isn't a taskmaster, but rather every messy minute is a precious gift to look on His face, seek my reflection.....
And find it.
what's invisible is visible in all of creation and this is where I speak of the supernatural among the natural. (Psalm 19:1-4, Colossians 1:15-16, Romans 1:20)
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Let's share. Because of time-management, most days I don't reply to comments. But every precious one feels like we're at the table chatting. Sometimes they're read in the oddest of places, via my phone. And if you blog, I can assure you, I looked you up and lurked your words.