Am I Enough--{to homeschool}

"Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness." 2 Corinthians 9:10

Deep down there's that part of me that only wants to enlarge the hearts of my children. My most noble cause is to plant the seeds of the Supplier to their spirit. But there's the shallow me. The part that wants them to just be good, to do good, to look good, to make me feel good. There are times when things are more important than the person I want them for.

After our oldest struggled in his transition from a small private school to public school causing us to consider homeschooling options, my biggest concern and question was "Am I enough?" The desire was there. I just didn't know if I was capable to do it. Was I disciplined enough? Could I teach him enough? Would he be 'socialized' enough? Would I be structured enough? Could I just do enough? I wasn't sure if I was enough. How many times do we stop ourselves because we don't think we are enough?

Two years ago we brought him home to homeschool. I haven't regretted it. All my fears of failure and of not measuring up to society's scholastic standards, all my not-enoughs paled in comparison to the joy of watching him and his brother grow.

Now as the days seem to evaporate, I see it in their face, their walk, in their maturity. Our boys are becoming young men. Not only is their stature measuring almost to the heights of Mommy-me but they're personalities, each unique, are developing and growing too.

This question flies back at me as the years slip on and I realize my time is rapidly fading in these rearing years. Being Mom and teacher is a daunting task, at times a tiresome task and a privileged honor all rolled into one parenting meld. Again, am I enough? Patient enough?  My tone soft enough? Have I balanced discipline and grace enough? Spent time enough ? Have I done enough?

"Moses said to the LORD, "You have been telling me, 'Lead these people,' but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, 'I know you by name and you have found favor with me.' If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you." Exodus 33:12 and 13

This parenting series on "Walk With Him Wednesday"s continues to highlight for me the importance of learning the one who Teaches.  Of all the worldly stuff that competes for our children's hearts, nurturing their hearts for that Teacher is of greatest value.

No matter the schooling (private, public, or homeschooled), as parents we are teaching. Trying not to get lost in all the outward things of academics, friendships, obedience, athletic prowess, and comparing kids (or ourselves) to national standards, we attempt to balance hearts and minds in our parental teaching.

In all our ways of feeding those minds with knowledge, the highest scholastic learning is in their spirits. Allowing the Teacher to teach us, allows us to teach them and His tutelage is more than enough.


"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment.'" Matthew 22:37 and 38


 
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